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After getting my boys to school, I returned to my empty house. The tension of the day, week, month, and year had built so much that a break was inevitable. On my way upstairs for a shower, I walked through the kitchen and into my dining room. When I hit the dining room, Gloria was lurking in the corner, lying in wait for me with an empty wine bottle. Whack!

I fell to the floor in a fit of numbers, death, destruction, and carnage. She bellowed that I am a stupid whore who did not do anything right. I got the boys to school wrong. Bam! I filled up the water bottles wrong. Slap! I walked out of the house all wrong. Crash! She roared at me that all of it was wrong and I had ruined everything! I ruined everything as I had always done. The agony and pain brought on by this monster thundered over me.

I fell to the floor sobbing, unable to move. For the first time in my entire OCD experience, I thought it would be better for everyone if I disappeared or died. Consumed with terrifying thoughts of death, destruction, carnage, numbers, ages[…]”

Excerpt From
Out of OCD
Toi Elizabeth Hershman
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